hi all. I haven’t written in a while. honestly, a lot of my interest in dating just disappeared after my ex cheated on me. My motivation in searching for a decent man just dwindled away very quickly. I recently found out, he’s engaged to the girl he cheated on me with. I left him in Agusut 2021…its only March of 2022. I don’t know if that says more about me or him…that he was so quick to get into another relationship so quickly, let alone marry her…or that here I am, still alone.

This post isn’t going to be like the others, i actually wasnt planning on writing about this guy, but something happened this morning and I actually am the one that feels horrible about it all somehow. I now live in Florida again, great right? I’ve always loved Florida, and this is my third time back. Yeah, I came because my ex wanted me to, but I do love the warmth and beauty of Florida. But in the end, I’m just alone again. It’s difficult to make friends when you’re older, even more difficult when you work the schedule I work. I’m not sure if its because i moved here for him…or just because im having a werid 30 something crisis, but I’ve actually been feeling so alone and depressed since being alone this time. So, just as I did when i moved around before, i tried the dating apps and tried to put myself back out there. I gave it a few months after my ex, since I dont just move on right away like that.

what a fucking mistake man. Every Filipino woman i have met has been a god send, the fucking nicest giving people ever. Apparently, that doesn’t apply for the Filipino men. So like i said, i wasnt planning on writing about this guy, nothing really weird or creepy happened. So maybe this is just a be aware post, or maybe i just needed to type this out for myself. We met sometime in October, we were talking for a few weeks before meeting up, and he was very sweet and kind. Would call me every night to chat, and i just loved that type of attention. We played mini golf, and it was cute, a good time. I had an inner demon battle because he was my height, and i felt like i weighed more. I overcame this within myself to give him a shot, due to how his personality was enough to make my smile. well, we know the honeymoon fades…but shit we werent even in a relationship and it was essentially gone a few weeks after the first date. We stopped going in dates, he always tried to just ‘come chill’ and i would explain i didnt want just physical shit. he would accept it, but we never went out again. I think we went on two or three dates? He never seemed to have time for me, he did work two jobs (lame when youre 32 fucking years old, come on) so i gave it some time, but…i would also take off work on his days off so we could hang out…but still he somehow never had time for me.

come mid december, i told him i couldnt do it anymore. I wasnt going to waste my time waiting for someone to give me the time of day. we all know thats not my style. He played victim BIG TIME. definitely tried to guilt me into saying i led him on, i was breaking his heart, he was trying…yada yada. yet we would go weeks without seeing each other. the calls stopped a week after we met, snapchat became his means of communication even though i would text his number instead. So, i knew it wasnt worth it, and he was probably a player.

dont you wish you could see into the future??? i feel like even if we could get a SMALL hint as to what is to come…we could make a decision to not go that route. He reached back out a few weeks ago, with the typical ‘ i miss you ive been thinking about you nonstop’ type of crap. Goes on to say it was all his fault, he saw what was in front of him and took it for granted, was afraid i would leave him because i was out of his league. and you know what? i was…in every fucking way. body, mind, soul, AND finances. but shit, i care about how someone treats me and at least a level of phyiscal attraction and thats why i gave it a go…

i accepted his message, and just told him he had to show it and prove it with actions, i wasnt going to waste time with him any longer. So he would reach out, call me again at night, start complimenting me blah blah blah. Im still not giving him much back, im still over here on hinge disliking the goblins that come my way, but im letting him try. We make plans to meet day (monday) to hangout for a few hours in the after noon before i WAS going to the fair tonight, but i just have no interest in doing anything now…

I dont know how to upload a photo here but i was going to upload a message i got at 230am this morning. i of course read it at 8am. it was that amazing…traditional….hey girl, you dont know me but do you know _____

immediate eye roll. ugh. here we go. the page had no posts/followers, nothing…I sent it to him and asked what i was about to learn and who it was. hes responsive right away, telling me he doesnt know, doesnt look like a real profile, also im the only one that calls him by his name, so he doesnt know who this person is that used his name…well we know ima ask this bitch whats good.

story continues…according to this mystery IG page…she is his girlfriend…his girlfriend of 3 years…

so i immediately feel like absolute garbage…so if this is true, that means this person was with me? and then would go home and be with her…? I WAS THE OTHER WOMAN??? im like disgusted in myself, im not sure how i couldnt have seen this. we continue to talk…she tells me shes only 21…. TWENTY ONE?!?!?! hes 32!!!!! she said she lives with him….so my mind starts racing because i have been to his house multiple times…theres like literally no sign of a female living there or even visiting. its like a typical guys bedroom/living room shit. no decorations, no pictures of anything, he has car stuff everywhere, bathroom was typical dirty guy type of bathroom. like idk man. also why couldnt you reach out from your own page? also…how did you find me? because i dont follow him/he doesnt follow me…ever since i broke it off. how the fuck you know who i am…? from one comment i left on a photo from october?

she tells me she saw my name in his phone, but he deletes messages every day. she asked for screenshots of our convo but i didnt bother sending. she proceeded to tell me that he cheated on HIS EX WIFE with her….and then they started dating… im sorry what? so now hes married? when the fuck was he married? why wouldnt you tell a girl that? like if i was a side chick…(vomit) and i ended things, why would you try to come back/get me back? hes 33 in April…so im trying to do the math over here like uh if theve been together 3 years? he was 30 and she was 18….im sorry? excuse me? she tells me he cheats on her all the time…????? im like ok girl so wtf are you doing? leave him.

ohhh its hard i love him so much blahblahblah. no youre dumb. so i just ended it with the tpyical like well you dont have to worry about me, im out…you should be too. bye.

i send him the screenshot where she said shes his gf…and wtf are you doing? i told him goodbye, and he never tried to argue it or reach back out orrrr deny it, say it was some crazy girl or whatever…so…my assumption is it was true. and now, im just over it all. so two men in one year have treated me this way? why should i ever try anything ever again? what hope is there out there. am i that terrible of a person? i feel like i give everything i can to any type of relationship im in…and im always the one left alone. I just…idk guys. like i said…very different post, im not sure we’ll have anymore anytime soon. im just disgusted.

Ah yes. Nothing better to do when you don’t have a job, its a Saturday, and its a beautiful 75 degrees sunny day; then to go on an afternoon date.  Here we are, four months into California being shut down with restaurants just starting to open to offer outdoor dining.  Which would imply, if your plan was to go to a restaurant right now, you’d need to make a reservation? Not with ghosty McGee over here.

When the pandemic started, I matched with this twat waffle and we talked for like eh idk two weeks and never met. He then fell off the face of the earth. I keep the guys stacked so I wasn’t exactly upset about the loss.  Hmm maybe sometime in May he came back around.  Now I tend not to save numbers so I had no idea who it was.  I sent a selfie in hopes the selfie would return.  As it did, a measly 5/10 for this guy.  I remembered who he was.  I called him out on disappearing and he blamed it on being busy during

sUcH a CrAzY tImE

fuck outta here.  okay, we talked for that day. then bye bye. SO I WAS JUST GHOSTED TWICE??? DOES HE NOT KNOW WHO I AM. dear lord. ugh.

SO i got a message today, from a number I again didn’t fuckin’ know.  Asking what I was up to and that ‘he would love to see more of me’ i ignored it. this was 9am. around what, 1pm? I got another one literally saying ‘want to meet up today?’  yyyoooo idk who you are. but out of literal pure boredom. LETS DO THIS.  I responded with some lyin out my ass shit that i just had SUCH a busy morning, my apologies for just getting back to him.  I told him lets meet downtown (my town, bc idk where the fuck you is bruv) get some ice cream and wander around.  Naturally, he’s like, I’m down. I’m clearly thrilled for this afternoon already.

So again, going into this I had NO idea who this was.  So I picked the spot so I could do some recon and spy from a distance and see who the fuck this mans was. or woman? idk I DON’T KNOW. So basically I stood off to the side from across the street, I didn’t have the sunglasses or sweatshirt but its okay I was a sneaky snake. WELL BEHOLLLDDDDDD! It’s this fuckin idiot that fell off the face of the earth on me twice.  Like hey men, yall are NOT attractive enough let alone even have the personality to keep up with us and this the shit you trying to pull? So naturally I’m my sarcastic bitch ass self.  ‘Oh wow you were able to make time for me today? Get your money out because you’re buying me an ice cream’

best believe he bought me a fuckin’ ice cream.  So we walk around downtown, typical bullshit ‘getting to know each other shit’ he decides he wants to get dinner. I told him it would be impossible considering the state of the restaurants right now. But you know, men don’t want to hear what women have to say, so we tried almost every single restaurant in walking distance (about a dozen) At the last one, this guy starts arguing with the host? like its her fault that they cant run at capacity? And I don’t mean calmly, like ‘oh im sorry but is there anything you can do for us?’ i mean like…‘are you fucking kidding me? you’re really going to tell us you don’t have a table for us tonight?’

YO RELAX ON THE US I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR LAST NAME. SHIT.

So this entire time I’ve been attempting to get him away from the restaurant, I just yanked his arm and he eventually stopped. We wander away and I said ‘so what the fuck was that all about?’ ‘that’s just bullshit that none of these restaurants have a table for two available’  like no its not? everyone’s running on 10% capacity, and only open from 4-730. Why do men only have 3 brain cells??? This is clearly an interesting time, I was debating if I wanted to end it early or not.  I hung out a bit more, naturally.  Yall know I love a good train wreck…even more when it involves myself. I learn that he collects something. What you may ask? this mans is 34 and collects pokemon cards and I now hate him so much. Like yo…pokemon go? was FIRE when it came out, I also enjoyed pokemon when I didn’t have titties, so like age 12 and below.  I asked why the fuck he still has them, what he thinks hes going to get out of keeping them around? I shit you not. This guy says, that they have been around so long, they’re his FRIENDS. THIS MAN SAID POKEMON CARDS ARE HIS FRIENDS.

hi, yes? 911? I’m about to be made into a human jigglypuff, can you please give my pets to my mom or Bernie please? thanks.

so listen, basically. if you’re into some shit like that? I’m gonna need you to put that specifically in your online profile? I just, I mean…that’s something you gotta put out there in the start. Attract someone that is into that also? Like don’t be just willy nilly with your weird shit okay…?

now onto the poetry. yes. this mans be writing them feelings down, carrying them around on this little hand sized notepad. As if the pokemon wasn’t enough, he brought the poetry.  Why does one feel the need to bring this out on a date? on a first date? on a date that you have already bailed on the person twice? hmmm I honestly can’t remember most of the shit he read to me, but lets just say nothing was makin me wanna take my panties off and hop on, okay? We’re at 2 hours now on this exhilarating afternoon, and its about time I call it a day. I honestly just wanna get back home, take my clothes off, turn on 600# life and eat a pizza. So basically thats what I’m doing now but my fucking pizza is taking MAD LONG. What’s going on dominos?

So he texted me saying he had a great time? like yo idk how? I tried to never make eye contact and didnt even hug you. Anyway, he’s blocked so good luck with the pokemon poetry my mans.

so one thing I’ll just never understand about men and online dating…why lie? if you actually intend to meet us, why even bother? Do you really think we’re as dumb as dirt and don’t know the difference between 5’8 and 6’2? Listen, I’m not the brightest crayon in the box but I’ll tell ya, being 5’7 all I do is throw up my arms and I got about a 6’2. So with that being said, we’re not as dumb as you think we are.

Another thing…use updated photos? Again, if you’re going to meet us, make sure we’re blind if you wanna use five year old photos. Online dating is absolutely based on level of physical attraction at first, like hello? I’m almost positive Helen Keller ain’t chillen on bumble waiting for her dream guy to lie his ass off to her.

So, we’re in ‘quarantine’ right now right? So it’s super difficult to come up with date ideas that don’t include just going to a strangers house, because men still think that’s an acceptable idea these days for the first time meeting someone. Okay so turns out some nearby town is kind of back to normal, so this dude suggests going to this seafood restaurant. I dislike seafood but I’m gonna be flexible with the circumstances here. So we decide to meet at 2pm for a lunch, it’s this little ocean side restaurant.

I got there first, so just waited outside. Naturally, he’s about 15 minutes late. I didn’t know what the reservation was under so I couldn’t just go sit at the table. I wore a summer dress and heals…low and behold here he comes walking up…smoking 🤢…which was a shock since it’s listed as non smoker on his page. So this is fantastic, great hug of cigarette smell. Mmm puts me in the mood ya know? He’s also wearing white shorts, like a cargo type short? And a baby blue collared shirt…ok…but…then had like dirty ass new balance sneakers on? Like it just didn’t make sense. Just threw in the towel when it came to foot ware.

and hello to the height I mentioned. IM TALLER THAN HIM. I wore fucking heels because your dumbass said you were SIX FOOT TWO. I just wouldn’t have worn heels if you were honest. Like what is it with you men? are you so determined to get ‘swipes’ or ‘likes’ that you lie about something as dumb as your height? Then what do you do when you meet a girl? Whatevs. Moving on. So I know barber shops aren’t really open and everyone’s struggling with hair and what not but I mean don’t men know how to shave their own faces?? He showed up in his full quarantine MESS. Like I could have hid my cat in his beard. Just put some effort into first impressions? I guess I’m the only one that thinks that these days.

We sit down, the place is nice so it sucks I have a GOD DAMN LIAR in front of me. So we do some small chit chat, oh are you from around here blah blah blah. Oh but THEN we spent about 18 minutes talking about his dead mother. Which, did not just happen recently by the way. So like why are we talking about this when we literally just met 15 minutes ago? I couldn’t find a way to get out of this conversation. I wanted to just be like oh my moms still alive so that sucks. Finally the server came back and broke up the conversation. Now hear me out, I’m all about talking about why your previous relationship didn’t work and all that shit. But, this mans talked about his ex for almost double the time we talked about his dead mother. Bro if you still in love with her, trust me ILL LET YA GO. Meanwhile I’m looking at the rice that has fallen in his beard and can’t find its way to the floor.

We switched the conversation to talking about me for oooooh maybe 6 minutes. Like yeah I’m a chef I get it, oooo so cooooool. But why do you all think we want to talk about ‘wHaT yOuR fAvOrItE dIsH tO cOoK iS’

YO SLUT WE COOK IT ALL we literally don’t want to be asked that question.

Ya know then he’s funny and thinks that I would cook for him!?!?!? y’all men out here getting BOLD during this isolation. I guess this date wasn’t as amazingly entertaining as some of my past ones, but what a huge disappointment, wasted a pretty dress and nice cheetah heels. Psh. I patted him on his head and went my separate way.

I wish I could remember what site I met this joke of a human off of, but I unfortunately am getting old af and I cant. Listen, there’s nothing wrong with breakfast hangouts/dates, I enjoy breakfast foods at any time of the day. So that’s what this bum and I decided on.  I had to drive to his area, because that’s what ‘gentleman’ do these days.  No more driving to the girl, offering to pick her up, fuck I cant even remember the last time I was brought flowers on a date…I mean I was sent stalker flowers at work once but I’m not sure that counts as romantic.

So we decide on 9:30am…hold on, HE picks the time AND the location.  So with that being said, you should be prepared? I get there and I’m like “errrrmerrrgerrrd I just parked, walking over now, see you soon’  no response for a few minutes, no big deal.  I get there and its a shanky little hole in the wall, but there’s a wait so food much be good. I mean its breakfast…9:40 I get a text ‘oh I just woke up, ill WALK OVER SOON’  …..WUT?  Ten minutes goes by and the guy asks if I’m ready, I just said yah but I’m waiting on one other person, they sit whole parties so I get passed over a few times.

roll outta my card board box guy finally shows up almost by 10am.  Also I have to work this day AND skipped the gym, so I’m cranky. I hate waiting as I am very prompt on timing when I make plans.  It’s just simple respect for others time, which obviously you don’t have.  He has very clear rolled out of bed and just woke up hair, I even said ‘wow couldn’t even run a comb through your hair huh?” in which he thought I was joking…sir I don’t joke about being presentable.  Also, wore a ripped tshirt? whats happenng? how did you afford a phone with access to a dating site???

We sit, small talk for a while.  He’s sort of asking me super stupid questions, like he’s never been in an establishment before that serves food….we got our food eventually, and honestly…not impressed in the slightest bit.  Felt like we didn’t really get ‘breakfast’ sides or anything. No hash browns or toast. Literally just eggs and whatever meat, or well he got tacos? Then picked off the avocado like a child.  Okay. uh I just basically said that it was getting late and I had to get home to walk the dog before going into work.

HE ASKED THE SERVER TO SLPIT THE CHECK.

I’m sorry, everyone that knows me knows I damn well don’t care about how much money you have, or even splitting the check.  But if it’s a first date, I do think its a good impression for the man to pay…ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS A 26$ BREAKFAST….ugh, so I pay my whopping 13$ and we leave.  He offers to walk me to my car, and I just said it was okay I wasn’t parked very far.  He hugged me good bye before I could get my disinfectant out or even see what was coming to deny it.  I got home and later that day he asked if we could hang out again. I simply just rejected him and told him I didn’t feel like there was any attraction of chemistry there….

#cardboardboxbunking #idonthave26$ #butiaskedyouout #alsomadethetime #butiwaslate

I’ve always said, I don’t want to date or even attempt to date someone that is on the same career line as me.  I just think its too much because eventually we would be talking about our jobs all day, and I’m the type of person that once I’m off, IM OFF. Let’s not compare dishes and ideas, I don’t give a shit about what you created today. On the real.

So this kid worked for a sports team. So he said, I’m still very confused on the situation of his job, but he’s apparently in the same line of work as me. I came to find out a much lower/naïve  level. We did the simple ‘dinner and drinks’ bullshit type of first date because us generation Y’s are just shitty at coming up with anything fun and different.  He’s 27 minutes late, so off to a hot start.  I got through at LEAST 4 A.S.A.P car karaoke songs by the time he showed up.  Get to the place, where the host sat us wasn’t good enough for him?  GREAT SCOTT I did not realize I was dining with the finest of the fine Gods. ugh. He makes a small scene that we need a better seat

AS ITS OUR FIRST DATE.

-_______- ssuuuuper long face for this one, and everyone that knows me knows my emotions are on my face 24/7. I am SO bad at hiding how I feel as I don’t think anyone should anyway.  So my face is red from embarrassment. Okay we sit at our new glorious upgraded table…and start looking at drinks.  He immediately starts talking about work. Asking me question on dishes and what I do as far as this and what my technique is on that.  I thought I was interviewing for a position at first. It was quickly spiraling out of control.  The guy doesn’t know what compressing is. Which I mean, pretty basic technique I would think for ‘our’  career line….I had mentioned that my co worker and I were doing a special dinner and had a compressed salad on the menu blahblahblah. He asked ‘what does it mean to compress? like you’re putting something between books to flatten it?’  yeah shit for brains. I’m taking edible FOOD and putting it between ‘cooking for idiots’ then serving it to people when its flat as fuck.

I clearly made  a face when he asked this question, I mean #sorrynotsorry but who wouldn’t in my position, with my knowledge? OH and by ANY MEANS that’s not an egotistical statement, its just, if you’re going to say were in the same career path, I expect you to know the god damn basics. He saw my face and said ‘Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t go to school so I probably don’t know as much as you’  welllll shiiiiiii I didn’t learn about compressing in school.  I learned French techniques from the damn 50s. But if you’re passionate about your ‘career’ you would pick up a book or watch a show on the topic. yeesh.  We don’t even have drinks yet by the way, and at this point I’ll need five. And my limit is two. So I mean do the emotional math here.

Okay so change the topic and I ask the typical ‘how was your day’ blah blah.  So we chat a little about typical things like that and he asks about mine.  I discussed how I had my consultation with a Dr about the implants I need to get finished. Now almost as soon as these words left my mouth I thought to myself…shit…typical guy, hes going to go right to the chesticles.  But at the same time, first date…maybe he would just ask what kind of implants I need to get finished…? WRONG STUPID IDIOT MARTINI

here it comes ‘yeah you tits look great by the way, I mean what more could the Dr have to do to finish them?’

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. My jaw just fell open. the AUDACITY this shit head has to say that to a women he JUST MET!!?? I mean…last time I checked, I’m a pretty natural looking girl? I know I have big bewbs and all, but shiiiiiit if these things were fake, they would be rather perky I would think? I could get away with sluttier things, backless shirts…you get the picture.  Also, side note…I’m wearing a rather conservative LONG SLEEVE shirt…on the cleavage scale, were talking boarder line nun.

I simply tell him, that no…I’m not getting plastic surgery on my chest…and I let him know that in the future he probably shouldn’t just assume that with any other female.  THEY TEETH IMPLANTS.  ugh.  I had four baby teeth that never fell out/adult teeth never pushed out.  November 2018 I had to get two pulled and implants in before the babies rotted out basically.  But I had to get a second part of the process completed before the crowns.  So like I said, I realized as soon as I said it that I could have definitely phrased it better, and said like…dentist instead of Dr. but, they are doctors/oral surgeons after all. But I mean come on, how dumb do you have to be to be to just spit out what he did??

I’m usually able to power through the rest of the date, as you’ve seen in some of the other posts.  But this one just started off too poorly, and pretty disrespectful in my opinion, that I just told him I think its best we end it at the drinks.  Pathetic time.

He actually attempts to reconcile with me to stay.  That he was only ‘joking’ and that when we had been talking prior to meeting, he felt a strong connection with me.  AND HES ALREADY TOLD HIS CO-WORKERS ABOUT ME…so it cant be over already? okay listen, what in the fuck is with men telling people about girls they haven’t even met yet!?!?! what is this! My family and friends don’t even know someone exists until months later. yeeeesh.  So that was basically enough. I just told him we were through there, and I was gonna head out.  I had more A.S.A.P waiting for me in the car.

#ganggang #titties #shitforbrains #whatscompressing?

Okay so. I’m not big on dating Asians, Spanish men, or black men. They always come across pretty aggressive and no offense to all that is the above, I just don’t find many of them physically attractive. I prefer a tall light glass of white boy douchbags apparently. BUT I do try to branch out sometimes. Well this was one of those times…a lil’ throwback to my time spent in the DMV area. Probably not as exciting or nightmarish as some of my other dates have been. But I wouldn’t have considered this a ‘good date’ so I’m putting it up here.

Alright so I lived in Virginia, this Pacific Ocean child lived in Maryland, it was about a 40 minute difference between us. So he suggests I drive out there and go to this ‘super fun bowling alley’ okay no big deal, I don’t mind. So I meet at his apartment…and pick him up? He has a car but like apparently it was just ‘easier’ to jump into mine. Lame ass. He’s like two inches shorter than me too so this is going well. Also, when I saw him I just said ‘why am I trying to expand my dating life into asians’ face palm.

So we go down the road to a bar that he’s a regular at I guess, because the bartenders knew him as soon as we got there. Had just one drink, small talked and then went to bowl. It’s tolerable so far, just no attraction. Now here is where we go from 1-100. We’re walking back to my car so I can now drive us to the bowling alley (lol) and he tells me.

‘You should look into a ticket to Hawaii for next month, should be enough time to get off of work’

‘I’m sorry what? I’m not going on vacation anytime soon’

’we’ll my grandmothers birthday is next month. Every year we throw a giant party for her at the restaurant they have down in Hawaii, so you should definitely come and be my date’

just so everyone is caught up, we just met less than an hour ago. So yeah that’s normal. Ask a stranger to an island to meet you’re entire family and be introduced as his ‘date’. I just laughed at him and said it wasn’t gonna happen but hope he has fun…  we get to the bowling place, it’s some fancy ass overly expensive place to bowl. Wow I’m so impressed -_- we bowled two games, but almost every time we switched turns or I sat down for him to go, he’s try to put his arm around my back or shoulders. Ugh awful, I just moved every time lol. Not sure if he ever got the hint tho because he DEFINITELY tried to hold my hand when we left. So now we’re  off to get dinner. I mean super expensive bowling alley I was expecting a nice dinner too? Or at least a decent dinner. SIKE. Spent all the money bowling so we went to nandos…sigh. If you don’t know what nandos is, neither did I before this. It’s basically a cheap chicken grab and go situation. Yes you can eat there but it’s not exactly a ‘restaurant’ situation. So I pay for the amazing food and we sat down and ate it there. Just trying to get through the meal, we make small talk here and there. He wanted to go walk around the lake, which is what was bordering the area and tells me he has to walk to target and get a candle??? Whattt. Yeah so I’m not here to like do your weird candle shopping with you. I tell him I have to go home to my dog…so we head back to his apartment so I can ditch him. Tells me he’s just had such a great time. I really think these guys just say this because of how I look, because I’m really not giving too much effort personality wise where it would make it seem like I’m just having a blast. Drop him off, I start my drive home and he’s texting me the entire time. He’s sending me photos of Hawaiian shirts he thinks he should buy and options he should buy ME. I thought we established that was never going to happen. Sigh. Well I let this one trickle out, short responses and such. Eventually he got the hint and it fizzled away.

Okay, so this one isn’t AS annoying or nightmarish as the previous dates.  There are definitely some cringe worthy moments ahead.  But I felt the date was more so unorganized (which can be fun if its not the following) and sort of inconsiderate on his behalf.  Also, becomes a little like Mr. Washington.

This is one of the bay dates. aka that west coat bullshit I been on lately.  I live in east bay, aka, outside of San Francisco.  To date someone in the city, kind of just well…sucks.  Its not close, its more likely you’ll take the train to and fro, and well I already do that 5 times a week, twice a day.  Why would I want to do that on my days off too? Because I know damn well going into this, city people don’t make the effort to go out to east bay.  Ok so that rant aside. Lets dive in.

I went into the city to meet up with Mr. Entrepreneur (side note: every dude in the city is either this or a tech nerd) and yes I googled how the eff to spell entrepreneur. dumb fucking word, get a real job. He meets me at the train station, how romantic.  The plan was to go to Korean BBQ over in Korea town and then bowling.  Two things I VERY much enjoy, so I obviously picked what we were doing.  Little did I know, we were only doing half of this date.  So we ubered over to the Korean BBQ spot because it was well away from the train station.  Dinner is fine, small talk about family blahblahblah no one cares gimmie dat food.  Check comes…he suggests we split it. ugh again…I don’t expect men to pay for me ALWAYS or ALL THE TIME but damn the first fucking date my dude?? okay we split it, I’m an adult and can pay for dates.  eye roll.  We exit, and across the street is some little Korean mall situation.  He wants to go ‘explore’ it…NOT PART OF THE DATE keep on track here!! So we go ‘explore’ aka walked around a DEAD mall with three stores open (its 7pm) we leave and I ask where the bowling ally is. He tells me he has a better idea.

lets go to a karaoke bar.  hey. lets fucking not?

SO OFF WE GO.  lets keep in mind. this is a first date situation, and for those men reading that have never been on a date in their lives, women usually try to ‘dress to impress’.  So I have like 3 inch heeled boots on, and jackass over here decides were going to WALK to the karaoke bar from Korea town.  I’m new to the city, I have zero idea where everything is in relation to each other. holy shit yall.  We walked over EVERY district in the city. Financial, tenderloin, mission. All of them. I got a full tour of everything I’d never want a tour of in my life. In February. In heels.  I’m not sure if you know either, but San Francisco was literally made on the part of earth where mother nature got wasted and did the wave 1000 times.  HILLS IN EVERY DIRECTION. We walked SO much, that my damn fit bit, CONGRADUATED me on a 47 minute workout!! My heart rate was at 156, and for those that don’t work out…a resting heart rate is around 56-68….so yeah we was hauling ass up and down hills.

So, and hour and fifteen or so later…we get to A karaoke bar, not the one he usually goes to apparently but its still a ‘good one’ Its like a Thursday by the way.  So I expected some people to be in there to at least watch? OH NO wrong again. There were three dudes at one table, some old red neck dude, and some plastered white chick.  Listen, when I say I only go out with the classiest dudes…this should be a sign that I am lying.  So he goes ‘we should just get one drink at least, it could be fun to watch them’

ohmygosh where is the closest BART station….

Everyone’s basically switching on and off signing.  The women sang some satanic song, we looked it up and its really old and I wish I could remember the song. The Three dudes did typical boy band stuff and the red neck guy, just straight country.  While having our drinks, I tried to down mine as quick as possible. one and done baby. He starts a random conversation about how when boys are just boys, they are obsessed with boobs.  But when they become men, they realize its the booty, that’s where its at.  So men love butts and boys love boob. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION.

yeahhhh so about then I said that I need to get back in order to catch an appropriately timed train.  So we leave, I thought we would uber back…after my three inch heeled hike…but no…we walked……………20 minutes through more sketchy districts to the station.  I get to the station and give him a quick hug and run down the stairs. Catch the train.  He texted me the next day saying he wants to hang out again.  I told him well I’m working the rest of the week. Factual.  So a few days go by, random hellos here and there.  He texted me one night, I’m closing, if he can hang out.  I said, yeah uh like I said, I’m working. This is where Mr. Washington like attitude comes in. He texted me saying ‘I can’t date someone I can only see once a week, are you going to make time for me or what?”

oh Christ. I either get dirt bags that want to just sleep with me and ghost me, or completely obsessive dudes after spending 5 hours with me?! Isn’t there an in-between out there??

So I told him straight up, that he was getting way head of himself. We went on one date, and yes I have a job…crazy?? So some weeks, people will only see me once…yes. And if someone in the city isn’t willing to come out to east bay, well fuck you’re never gonna see me because I’m way past the point in my life where I always went to the guy.  Needless to say, I never heard from him again after that. I don’t think I even blocked him or anything, just stopped talking. it was nice.

So, I’ve been super into the 90 day fiancé show lately, as well as the 600# life show. So when this dude mentioned a green card I got SO interested in his story. Him…not so much.

So we just had dinner/drinks on some random Wednesday. Texting before hand was pretty normal. Conversations were fine, nothing over the top creepy or awkward silence.  So I suppose I saw maybe some promise in this date. But I think I need to come up with a 21 questionnaire I need filled out before agreeing to a date.

Hes there before me, so I walk in, and he texted me where he was. I found him. Doesn’t get up to say hi or hug or anything so I guess I thought that was a little weird way to greet a women for the first time or like uh anytime? But okay no biggie. We sit down and IMMEDIATELY his mouth is running a mile a minute. Holy shit does this guy not stop talking. Also, on his phone SO much. Literally leaving to take calls, he’s responding to his texts and social media and such the entire time. After he took a second call when he came back I asked what he did for a living? Maybe it was medical or police so some calls I’d understand having to take. No he installs garage doors? LOL WHAT. He was taking an ‘emergency’ call from someone who’s door was stuck. Dying. Tells me he also rents his house on air BnB so the previous call was from someone on the site. Yo idc you’re out with someone that’s so rude. Continues to say he lives in some warehouse in Haywood while he’s renting his house out. Oh god.

He’s from Israel, I don’t remember how long he said he’s been here, he went on to tell me about the different types of Jewish people in Israel next. Somehow ended up on Hitler and the Holocaust. So basically this is a very romantic classy date. History of the Germans and Jews and oh just thrilling while I’m trying to eat my salad. Talks a shit ton about kosher people and how he thinks it’s ridiculous and so on. He continues to throw out comments on Jews. Assuming he feels it’s funny or okay to do so because he is Jewish? And yes the nose was pretty massive. So things like ‘oh it’s the Jew in me’ or he told me he didn’t pay his meter outside because he was being a Jew. By the end of the night I heard about 15 references to how he is a Jew and cheap basically.

Yet to pay for dinner he throws 100$ bill down. Wow I’m so impressed. -_- gotta change these panties wooooah

okay but dinner isn’t over yet. We actually ended up at this place for over 2 hours, they were very busy but also extremely backed up at the bar. Jew boy kept ordering drinks so basically we spent time waiting for his drinks before we could leave. So. Dig a little deeper and I comment on his drinks. He got a DUI about four years ago…okay so yeah maybe relax because you’re driving home from here? He smokes weed everyday. (Something I have never done and super turned off by) Apparently needs to have SOMETHING. So I made fun of him being a substance abuser because that’s who I am. A bitch. He told me he used to smoke ten times a day and he’s down to just one now and I should be proud of that. I said yeah I mean that’s good but go to zero? You’re 32 take a break. He tells me he’s down to one a day because he fills the rest with alcohol  -_- OH YEAH OKAY KEEP GOING.  He needs to ‘treat himself’ for making it through a workday. Omgosh i laughed in his face. Apparently his friends encourage him to smoke because he’s too hyper and they need him to relax. I’m totally seeing this with the whole not shutting up things. Like you’re telling me soooo much and we just met. It’s not that serious. Okay so he goes to the bathroom. Big ol’ beer belly out and about. I guess that’s why no getting up when I arrived. LOL.

Comes back. Randomly says ‘I guess I’ll just get everything out there then’ oh golly this is where it got even better. I figured the alcohol and weed was enough to make me never talk to you again but yes please continue with this sinking Jew ship. Proceeds to tell me he has a child. The kids three. He hasn’t seen him in two years, according to him, because of the mother not wanting him to be a part of the kids life. I said oh that’s a shame, how long were you and the mother together?

Two. Days 

thank you tinder. Yes, they hooked up on tinder, had a baby and he wasn’t involved in any of it. lol great job. Okay so goes in and on about the baby. Hi I don’t care I hate babies. Move on. What else ya got in that burning oven of yours? Ahhhh yes the green card. Here it goes. He asked if I’ve ever been married. Of course, the answer is gross no. He tells me, he was married for two years. I said oh okay yeah that’s cool how long ago blah blah blah. ‘I got married for papers, somehow we just stayed married for two years. So I have my green card and I’m good to go until I have to extend it’

OH MY GOSH YES. I asked if it was like that show, the 90 day fiancé thing. If he came here and had to marry within the 90 days and all that. Apparently not the same situation. So yet another disappointment. I told him I was gonna tweet trump to deport him but, he seemed to think I was joking. Okay so I’m ready to wrap this date up. He then tells me he has a ‘boat’ more specifically a 1992 pos. He wants to go to some lake and have a picnic, get a few bottles of wine and get wasted. This was my invite apparently. I’ve had one drink…in the two hours. So I told him I again that i wasn’t very into drinking. But yet again, someone who doesn’t listen and goes to an extreme. So I decline the oh so romantic invite and said I was busy my next days off. Then asks me to go to orange theory classes with him. Ugh. No I hate cardio I told him. So finally I just say, okay ready to go? He’s all excited YEAH WHERE TO NEXT.

Bitch boy I’m going home?

We get outside and there’s like a street festival or something happening so he’s like let’s walk through this and my cars over there. Okay so I’m walking you to your car? Lmao yo that’s fine get outta here. We get to the car and he has a nice car, it’s a newer Mercedes. But again, I dont care about your materials.  He asked if I wanted to go for a ride??? HAHAHAHA I drive a manual, my car is automatically more fun. Sit down. Told him no, I know what riding in a car feels like. His phone was dead and he was like ‘ah my phone is dead but please let’s do this again. I had a lot of fun. I’ll let you know when I get home’

its good to know I’m a great actress and can continue to pretend I’m enjoying myself to get a dinner out of someone. Real skills if you ask me. So whatever. Obv I never talked to him again. Hope he’s enjoying his amazing car. P

this might be one of my favorites…and longest so my apologies. But not really sorry.

OK so I think it was a Monday, I know exciting!!! But again usually when my dates are. (Mid week) I had a drink tonight..so super wasted obvi. Well see how this one goes.

I use this date to describe to people when they ask what my ‘worst date’ was.  So this date, took place in DC, one of the places I used to live. So I was only talking to this guy for I think maybe, two days? He brings up that he has tickets to the Nationals VS Yankees game for the next day.  So I said sure OK, why not?  OK so I ask what the tickets cost because you know, I obviously wanna pay for my ticket. I’m not that type of person that just expects you to pay for me/do everything for me. So he says don’t worry about the ticket I already bought them, just pick up the check for happy hour before hand and we will call it even. OK no problem.

So we go to this place in DC. We go to the bar, he knows the bartender…OK great. So we order some apps and we get a drink.

he starts talking about God.

No I am not at all religious so I kind of interrupt him and I just say ‘just so you know I don’t really have anything to offer to this conversation I don’t really believe in anything, let’s move on to something else yeah’ he says got it. OK so it’s really not that bad so far he’s just very very very talkative any kind of interrupts A LOT. like he would ask me a question I would start to answer and then he would interrupt me .fantastic.

So we catch an Uber to the stadium. Mr. Counterfeit focused on talking to the Uber  driver for our 20 minute drive over, so I did what sad music videos do and just looked outside the window all depressed like.

Okay so here is where the date started to get just AMAZING. We get the stadium and go to a gate to scan in. Oh, the game is already in the second inning…okay so we scan the tickets in…we get rejected. The lady then tries our tickets for us…rejected. She said to go to guest services and they can probably fix them. Oh BTW they are printed out tickets, which I mean yeah you can use them if they’re real right? So we get to guest services and he hands the tickets to the counter. The guy right away tells us they are FAKE TICKETS. My amazing Prince Charming of a date begins to make a scene. That there’s no way…they have to be real, he’s bought them on the same site he always has.

Craigslist. 

Yeah because how could something off of craigslist not be fake? I myself was just astonished, I mean just HOW could you have fake tickets!? Everything is real on Craigslist. He starts asking the guy at the counter, what he can do for us. The guy simply says, nothing. LOL all he can do is sell us two new tickets. And well, the Yankees rarely come to nationals so tickets were 130$ a piece. And that was basically high rise stands allll the way back. Mr. Counterfeit already paid 100$ for two tickets. LOL WAIT 100$ FOR TWO TICKETS FOR A RARE ASS GAME. And you thought that seemed legit? Ah ok. So moving on. I tried to calm him down, suggested we salvage the date and just see a movie. Okay so he agrees…

We leave the office, and I assume…we’re going to get an Uber and go to the theatre close by. Oh my goooooosh was I wrong.

This guy…decides…he wants to now sell off his counterfeit tickets to someone outside the stadium looking for tickets. I should have bailed by this point yeah?

A) I had literally zero idea where my car was.

B) at this point, fuck yeah let’s ride this train wreck, guy who I already forgot the real name of.

So we find a guy. They start haggling over FAKE tickets. They end at 30$ …so far on this date Ive spent more money with happy hour. Ok ok let’s NOW go please. Nah sike not done gurl. He wants to walk around the entire stadium, to see if anyone else is selling tickets. HAHAHAHA oh it’s like 109 degrees by the way, some day in July. I’m Italian. I’m disgusting AF. So we walk all the way around, and come back to the guy he JUST sold the tickets to!! This guy is now trying to re-sell them. Face palm. So idk if he knew they were fake or he’s a hustler also…but yo time for us to go.

Okay, catch an Uber back to another bar…to waste time before the movie. On the ride over, he brings up God again. Maybe God told him to just ignore what women say to him or something because I had to once again tell him to shut up or I’ll summon my boy Satan.  I don’t drink often, and I also told him this at the first bar. He probably interrupted me or something so he didn’t pay attention. So we go sit AT the bar again. Just thrilling. Thanks for listening. Alright so we’re at the bar. When we get there I find out he works there part time…so you brought me to your job…to do something I don’t really enjoy? Ah yes I wonder why you’re single. Wait I am too…but hey that’s besides the point. So he spends about an hour drinking and talking to his co workers at the bar. I drink a water and talk to some gay boy that also worked there. Thanks for him though otherwise I would have smashed the water glass into my eyeballs.

Now this date gets even. fucking. better. But how you might be thinking!? It seems like it’s already going perfectly. Ah yes young grasshopper, but we still have the movie right? So, he suggests we just WALK to the movie, again, it’s a million degrees. My pitties are just leakin’ with sweat. Got that visual stuck in your mind? Good. Okay so here we are at the theatre. We see TAG…I wanted to see it so it’s cool we agreed on it. Alright get to the booth, he asks for two tickets and pays.

Card gets DECLINED 

hes all flabbergasted. But how can that be!? I’m a part time bar tender and I do something else that…well I don’t remember because I honestly wasn’t paying attention much to him by mid date. Alright, tried it again. Nah still broke bruh. I pull out my card and he goes ‘no no I got it, idk why it’s being declined’ he pays with a credit card instead. Got the tickets, we go up to the movie. He asks if I want popcorn or anything and I tell him ‘we’ll your card got declined so nah I’m good’ I can’t make this up…he literally pulls out his phone, pulls open his bank and SHOWS me a whopping 1,300$ in his account. Now…I’m not a baller myself and I’m certainly not a gold digger. But what were you expecting me to say to that? So I just shrug and say just call your bank tomorrow. So we get to our seats and HOLY COW he doesn’t stop talking the entire movie. Asking me questions as if I directed the damn thing and so on.

Finally headed back to the cars. Waiting to cross the street somewhere, he asks how I think the date went. Well..I mean he did finally apologize for the tickets. But still my guy come on.  I straight up tell him i didn’t appreciate all the religion talk/that he ignored me and the fact that he constantly just cuts me off when talking and OH NO HE CUTS ME OFF RIGHT THERE…’oh yeah I cut people off a lot because I feel like what I have to say in that moment is more important and so I have to get it out before I forget’ my jaw just dropped…and he says ‘I know I have to work on that I know’ I was dying on the inside…so with that being said…I didn’t say anything  else.

Somehow out of every damn garage in DC he parks like three cars away from mine. Tells me HE had just a great time. I’m not sure how because I wasn’t exactly the best supporting actress along this five hour journey. But yolo I’m just that awesome. Ok bye now. The next day he texts me and asks if I want to go to a GOLF TOURNAMENT!?!?!? LOL I will kick a baby before going to a golf ‘game’ or anything with you again. I told him ‘well I’m not sure, the tickets will probably be counterfeit’ he replied with ‘good burn haha’ and I replied with bye.

#counterfeit #declined

okay so. This one started off as one of those, AWE he’s a super sweet nice guy & as quickly as Thanos snapped his fingers it became oh fuck this guy is gonna wear my skin someday. So without further ado, let me introduce you to Mr. Washington.

if I was to just be ‘visiting’ or ‘working temporality in another state’ I MOST likely would not attempt to date anyone while there? I mean that’s just me. Sure a one night stand is in some peoples rolodexes, not mine, but most degenerate kids these days. (why I outtaa)  So if you change your location for where you are, for those purposes then that makes sense. But oh gosh, if that’s not you, then don’t do it. Usually after ‘matching’ with someone, I like to talk at least a week or so before trying to meet up. I mean I’m all for getting murdered, really, like its fine…but I’d rather know my killers favorite color first.

So we talk for a little over a week, and I invite him out with my girl Ling Ling (not her real name ) and her BF.  This guy was nervous, because meeting me was already nervous for him, but he decided to come through anyway.  So…that night were all having a drink and Ling Ling asks where hes from and blah blah. The kid decides to go ‘oh I’m just here visiting from Washington state, but if things go well with us then I would consider moving here’

yo. I literally just met you 17.89 minutes ago…excuse me? I don’t even know your last name, social security, credit card numbers and blood type.

Needless to say, things got…well a little awk.  Lingy just laughed to make it a little less, and we moved on to the next topic…I paid for our drinks…I do believe in the guy paying for our first date, and if it continues to something that’s where I’ll go 50/50 or pick up the check all together.

so okay whatever kids here for a little bit, (2 months) we can hang out and be friends and just see how it goes.  Trying to look on the Brightside, but all that know me…well I do not have a Brightside. So we get to the car, and he definitely wanted to slobber all over me, I just gave him a hug and said we’ll talk soon.  So we decide to go to breakfast two days later, we meet half way at a spot in Rockridge.  He tells me he had fun with my friends and we should all do a couples date someday soon…uhm no we’re not a couple. He continues to explain that he wants a photo of us together to send to his Aunt because he told her about me and how he wants to move here for me????? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOYZ. I told him no, that’s really weird and makes me uncomfortable, why would you tell your aunt about me/anyone really. We really did just meet. Oh well he just likes me sooooooo much he couldn’t contain himself.  Listen, all you know is I’m slightly attractive, you know absolutely nothing about my black heart or anything personal in my life for that matter. You don’t know you want to move here, you don’t know anything.

Oh. but he does. he FEELS it, he tells me.  It was obviously meant to be, being here for work, matching with me on the site, its so clear to him this was destiny. ugh bigggg eye roll.  I tell him I have to get going, I had work. Actually a true statement this time. Walks me to my car, attempts to hold my hand. Again, I don’t understand why no one can get any sort of hint. I’ve told you we’re not a couple, its weird you told anyone about me, that its VERY weird you want to move here after seeing me twice and talking to me for a week? and you want to try to hold my hand.

alright so flash forward to a few days.  Within these few days, he’s sending random lovey dovey quotes and memes and selfies, that Im just not responding to. I break it to him, that well this just isn’t working out for me. I wasn’t looking to jump straight into some serious relationship with someone who doesn’t even live here, I continued to tell him that it was also creepy how into me he already is and that he’s coming on way too strong.  He said…and I quote…

I just wanted to make sure you were my girlfriend by the time I left, so I can be confident that you’re mine when I make the move to the bay area to be with you.

I can’t insert emojis on this, but please imagine my eyes bulging out my god damn face X 5,000 times. I was embarrassed FOR HIM. I not only told him he was creepy and overly aggressive about this, but then told him its not going anywhere. And THAT was what he thought was the best thing to say?  So, I did the mature thing, right? I told him up front it wasn’t happening, and I even told him where he went wrong, and he still felt like I needed to make it work with him. I started to ignore his calls and texts, it was getting out of control.  I have read receipts on, so he knew I was ignoring him.  He says ‘Please don’t do this like this, let me meet up with you and I can show you how good we can be together’

that’s it…BLOCKED #leatherface #murdermatch2019

uh also, he follows my spotify playlists…he’s the ONLY one. I don’t know how to kick him out . insert screaming distressed emoji here.