Ah yes. Nothing better to do when you don’t have a job, its a Saturday, and its a beautiful 75 degrees sunny day; then to go on an afternoon date. Here we are, four months into California being shut down with restaurants just starting to open to offer outdoor dining. Which would imply, if your plan was to go to a restaurant right now, you’d need to make a reservation? Not with ghosty McGee over here.
When the pandemic started, I matched with this twat waffle and we talked for like eh idk two weeks and never met. He then fell off the face of the earth. I keep the guys stacked so I wasn’t exactly upset about the loss. Hmm maybe sometime in May he came back around. Now I tend not to save numbers so I had no idea who it was. I sent a selfie in hopes the selfie would return. As it did, a measly 5/10 for this guy. I remembered who he was. I called him out on disappearing and he blamed it on being busy during
sUcH a CrAzY tImE
fuck outta here. okay, we talked for that day. then bye bye. SO I WAS JUST GHOSTED TWICE??? DOES HE NOT KNOW WHO I AM. dear lord. ugh.
SO i got a message today, from a number I again didn’t fuckin’ know. Asking what I was up to and that ‘he would love to see more of me’ i ignored it. this was 9am. around what, 1pm? I got another one literally saying ‘want to meet up today?’ yyyoooo idk who you are. but out of literal pure boredom. LETS DO THIS. I responded with some lyin out my ass shit that i just had SUCH a busy morning, my apologies for just getting back to him. I told him lets meet downtown (my town, bc idk where the fuck you is bruv) get some ice cream and wander around. Naturally, he’s like, I’m down. I’m clearly thrilled for this afternoon already.
So again, going into this I had NO idea who this was. So I picked the spot so I could do some recon and spy from a distance and see who the fuck this mans was. or woman? idk I DON’T KNOW. So basically I stood off to the side from across the street, I didn’t have the sunglasses or sweatshirt but its okay I was a sneaky snake. WELL BEHOLLLDDDDDD! It’s this fuckin idiot that fell off the face of the earth on me twice. Like hey men, yall are NOT attractive enough let alone even have the personality to keep up with us and this the shit you trying to pull? So naturally I’m my sarcastic bitch ass self. ‘Oh wow you were able to make time for me today? Get your money out because you’re buying me an ice cream’
best believe he bought me a fuckin’ ice cream. So we walk around downtown, typical bullshit ‘getting to know each other shit’ he decides he wants to get dinner. I told him it would be impossible considering the state of the restaurants right now. But you know, men don’t want to hear what women have to say, so we tried almost every single restaurant in walking distance (about a dozen) At the last one, this guy starts arguing with the host? like its her fault that they cant run at capacity? And I don’t mean calmly, like ‘oh im sorry but is there anything you can do for us?’ i mean like…‘are you fucking kidding me? you’re really going to tell us you don’t have a table for us tonight?’
YO RELAX ON THE US I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR LAST NAME. SHIT.
So this entire time I’ve been attempting to get him away from the restaurant, I just yanked his arm and he eventually stopped. We wander away and I said ‘so what the fuck was that all about?’ ‘that’s just bullshit that none of these restaurants have a table for two available’ like no its not? everyone’s running on 10% capacity, and only open from 4-730. Why do men only have 3 brain cells??? This is clearly an interesting time, I was debating if I wanted to end it early or not. I hung out a bit more, naturally. Yall know I love a good train wreck…even more when it involves myself. I learn that he collects something. What you may ask? this mans is 34 and collects pokemon cards and I now hate him so much. Like yo…pokemon go? was FIRE when it came out, I also enjoyed pokemon when I didn’t have titties, so like age 12 and below. I asked why the fuck he still has them, what he thinks hes going to get out of keeping them around? I shit you not. This guy says, that they have been around so long, they’re his FRIENDS. THIS MAN SAID POKEMON CARDS ARE HIS FRIENDS.
hi, yes? 911? I’m about to be made into a human jigglypuff, can you please give my pets to my mom or Bernie please? thanks.
so listen, basically. if you’re into some shit like that? I’m gonna need you to put that specifically in your online profile? I just, I mean…that’s something you gotta put out there in the start. Attract someone that is into that also? Like don’t be just willy nilly with your weird shit okay…?
now onto the poetry. yes. this mans be writing them feelings down, carrying them around on this little hand sized notepad. As if the pokemon wasn’t enough, he brought the poetry. Why does one feel the need to bring this out on a date? on a first date? on a date that you have already bailed on the person twice? hmmm I honestly can’t remember most of the shit he read to me, but lets just say nothing was makin me wanna take my panties off and hop on, okay? We’re at 2 hours now on this exhilarating afternoon, and its about time I call it a day. I honestly just wanna get back home, take my clothes off, turn on 600# life and eat a pizza. So basically thats what I’m doing now but my fucking pizza is taking MAD LONG. What’s going on dominos?
So he texted me saying he had a great time? like yo idk how? I tried to never make eye contact and didnt even hug you. Anyway, he’s blocked so good luck with the pokemon poetry my mans.
The Dating Life Of A Martini 