The Green Card

So, I’ve been super into the 90 day fiancé show lately, as well as the 600# life show. So when this dude mentioned a green card I got SO interested in his story. Him…not so much.

So we just had dinner/drinks on some random Wednesday. Texting before hand was pretty normal. Conversations were fine, nothing over the top creepy or awkward silence.  So I suppose I saw maybe some promise in this date. But I think I need to come up with a 21 questionnaire I need filled out before agreeing to a date.

Hes there before me, so I walk in, and he texted me where he was. I found him. Doesn’t get up to say hi or hug or anything so I guess I thought that was a little weird way to greet a women for the first time or like uh anytime? But okay no biggie. We sit down and IMMEDIATELY his mouth is running a mile a minute. Holy shit does this guy not stop talking. Also, on his phone SO much. Literally leaving to take calls, he’s responding to his texts and social media and such the entire time. After he took a second call when he came back I asked what he did for a living? Maybe it was medical or police so some calls I’d understand having to take. No he installs garage doors? LOL WHAT. He was taking an ‘emergency’ call from someone who’s door was stuck. Dying. Tells me he also rents his house on air BnB so the previous call was from someone on the site. Yo idc you’re out with someone that’s so rude. Continues to say he lives in some warehouse in Haywood while he’s renting his house out. Oh god.

He’s from Israel, I don’t remember how long he said he’s been here, he went on to tell me about the different types of Jewish people in Israel next. Somehow ended up on Hitler and the Holocaust. So basically this is a very romantic classy date. History of the Germans and Jews and oh just thrilling while I’m trying to eat my salad. Talks a shit ton about kosher people and how he thinks it’s ridiculous and so on. He continues to throw out comments on Jews. Assuming he feels it’s funny or okay to do so because he is Jewish? And yes the nose was pretty massive. So things like ‘oh it’s the Jew in me’ or he told me he didn’t pay his meter outside because he was being a Jew. By the end of the night I heard about 15 references to how he is a Jew and cheap basically.

Yet to pay for dinner he throws 100$ bill down. Wow I’m so impressed. -_- gotta change these panties wooooah

okay but dinner isn’t over yet. We actually ended up at this place for over 2 hours, they were very busy but also extremely backed up at the bar. Jew boy kept ordering drinks so basically we spent time waiting for his drinks before we could leave. So. Dig a little deeper and I comment on his drinks. He got a DUI about four years ago…okay so yeah maybe relax because you’re driving home from here? He smokes weed everyday. (Something I have never done and super turned off by) Apparently needs to have SOMETHING. So I made fun of him being a substance abuser because that’s who I am. A bitch. He told me he used to smoke ten times a day and he’s down to just one now and I should be proud of that. I said yeah I mean that’s good but go to zero? You’re 32 take a break. He tells me he’s down to one a day because he fills the rest with alcohol  -_- OH YEAH OKAY KEEP GOING.  He needs to ‘treat himself’ for making it through a workday. Omgosh i laughed in his face. Apparently his friends encourage him to smoke because he’s too hyper and they need him to relax. I’m totally seeing this with the whole not shutting up things. Like you’re telling me soooo much and we just met. It’s not that serious. Okay so he goes to the bathroom. Big ol’ beer belly out and about. I guess that’s why no getting up when I arrived. LOL.

Comes back. Randomly says ‘I guess I’ll just get everything out there then’ oh golly this is where it got even better. I figured the alcohol and weed was enough to make me never talk to you again but yes please continue with this sinking Jew ship. Proceeds to tell me he has a child. The kids three. He hasn’t seen him in two years, according to him, because of the mother not wanting him to be a part of the kids life. I said oh that’s a shame, how long were you and the mother together?

Two. Days 

thank you tinder. Yes, they hooked up on tinder, had a baby and he wasn’t involved in any of it. lol great job. Okay so goes in and on about the baby. Hi I don’t care I hate babies. Move on. What else ya got in that burning oven of yours? Ahhhh yes the green card. Here it goes. He asked if I’ve ever been married. Of course, the answer is gross no. He tells me, he was married for two years. I said oh okay yeah that’s cool how long ago blah blah blah. ‘I got married for papers, somehow we just stayed married for two years. So I have my green card and I’m good to go until I have to extend it’

OH MY GOSH YES. I asked if it was like that show, the 90 day fiancé thing. If he came here and had to marry within the 90 days and all that. Apparently not the same situation. So yet another disappointment. I told him I was gonna tweet trump to deport him but, he seemed to think I was joking. Okay so I’m ready to wrap this date up. He then tells me he has a ‘boat’ more specifically a 1992 pos. He wants to go to some lake and have a picnic, get a few bottles of wine and get wasted. This was my invite apparently. I’ve had one drink…in the two hours. So I told him I again that i wasn’t very into drinking. But yet again, someone who doesn’t listen and goes to an extreme. So I decline the oh so romantic invite and said I was busy my next days off. Then asks me to go to orange theory classes with him. Ugh. No I hate cardio I told him. So finally I just say, okay ready to go? He’s all excited YEAH WHERE TO NEXT.

Bitch boy I’m going home?

We get outside and there’s like a street festival or something happening so he’s like let’s walk through this and my cars over there. Okay so I’m walking you to your car? Lmao yo that’s fine get outta here. We get to the car and he has a nice car, it’s a newer Mercedes. But again, I dont care about your materials.  He asked if I wanted to go for a ride??? HAHAHAHA I drive a manual, my car is automatically more fun. Sit down. Told him no, I know what riding in a car feels like. His phone was dead and he was like ‘ah my phone is dead but please let’s do this again. I had a lot of fun. I’ll let you know when I get home’

its good to know I’m a great actress and can continue to pretend I’m enjoying myself to get a dinner out of someone. Real skills if you ask me. So whatever. Obv I never talked to him again. Hope he’s enjoying his amazing car. P