Ah yes, NBA playoffs. What a romantic time aye? Makes for an easy, casual hang out to get to know someone new.  Mr. 10 year old photo on the profile and I decided to meet up for the finals.  Sends me a photo of where he’s sitting so I know where to go when I get to the location.  I kind of wanted to bail anyway, but I’m doing this thing where I lower the fuck out of my standards and just try to meet people anyway. I mean hey maybe it can be a friendship anyway? one that just fades after a few tags in memes and then I don’t have to worry about it.  I go out the door to the back bar area and see him from behind.  I stalled for a moment…he looked about 100# heavier from the back than any photo of him from his profile. (yes most of these dates are from online situations…hence the whole 21st century shenanigans)

and boooooyyyy should I have just left.  Nope, I continue on and go say hello. ‘Hey Mr 10 year old photo on profile guy…’ Before I can even say anything else, he stands up in exclamation and yells OH MY GOSH YOURE REAL.

how. fucking. embarrassing.

I knew right away my face was red.  I mean…fuck. I’m not a super model, and way to make it so awkward now everyone knows we literally just met. I just awkwardly laughed and said uh yeah, and sat down.  He goes on to tell me he’s already a ‘few beers deep’ as him and his ‘bros’ drank before this.  yes great idea, you’re meeting a girl for the first time and you get twisted before hand. its 5:30 pm. relax. I just play it off and say yeah good job, cant wait to see how this goes.  He orders a drink, I order a gin&tonic.  We watch about two quarters of the game until we order some snacks to munch on.  He tries to talk to me and I’m just being a bitch and not really looking at him when I respond. we don’t discuss many personal things, I mean I try not to at least.  He tells me he’s worked with airplanes, cant hear much, and pushes his chair right up to mine.   He told me he grew up on a farm in Poland, it was a potato and chicken farm. It was the most amount of ‘chicks’ he’s ever had in his life. yes, then go back because murica aint gonna give you any chicks.

I threw up a little, but I’m a classy bitch so you know, I hid it well.

By the third quarter, I was ready to commit suicide. just nothing personality wise going on in there, and he’s getting more wasted as the night goes…he even started yelling BLUE AND ORANGE at some random girl and I had to tell her he has no idea what’s happening and to ignore him. literally. no one knew what he was attempting to yell.  Even if this dude was Zac Efron, I would have had to bail. So I say that I have to go, its only like 8pm. but I had a great excuse.  So we get the check and bounce.  I park RIGHT next to the place and he tries to say ‘no lets take the long walk around to the garage so we can talk more’ I started getting irritated and just sort of snapped a bit.  “I JUST said I have to leave now, why would I want to take the longer way to get to my car’  he just says oh, you’re right sorry lets go ill walk you. fuck. I don’t need to be walked but here we go.  We get to the garage and I’m clicking my unlock button 100 times. he mentions that I’m ‘way out of his league’ and I say, “you know what, I probably am. but you cant go into these online dates expecting anything.  If anything just look for friends before something else”.  He continues to tell me he wants to invite me to play flag football with him and his friends? hard pass, idk if I gave some sort of interest in any of that but no. No hug, ew bye.  I get home, he texts me to tell me he got home too…ugh this is gonna be one of the ones that didn’t take the hint huh? Yes. That’s exactly what it was. Sends me a photo of him in what seemed to be a 9 year olds warriors jersey with the caption ‘it still fits’ BRUH no it doesn’t, I tell him this isn’t for me, he again doesn’t take the hint. I don’t ghost anyone, its shitty and immature, but if you cant just accept what I’m telling you…block.

now, the reason for his name.  His profile was definitely photos of him in his maybe early 20s. He’s currently ’32’  In person, he had about 6 crooked teeth, 100# more than what’s seen in photos, and about 80% less of a hairline. Now like I said, I’m trying to lower standards a bit here, focus on a ‘good personality’.  I know I’m not going to get me a Ryan Reynolds from Blade situation here, but fuck, looks do mean something. And no matter how many people want to say that’s ignorant or conceited.  You’re all full of shit.  We all need to be physically attracted to SOMETHING about the person we are with. But what means more is honesty in what you’re selling in who you are. #catfished #staywoke #wastemytime2019

This date is from somewhere back in February of 2019.  Now, as I start writing about these dates, they’ll probably be out of chronological order until I get the hang of this. Once I have caught up on some of the glorious past experiences I have had, I’ll then move forward with current situations in order. So lets get to it with this date.

I’ll skip the first date I had with Mr A, and we’ll move onto the second. I know right, a second date? It’s pretty rare I want to ever see anyone after one date, but hey, there’s a few here and there…then they soon fall off. Inevitably.  Just a little background for those who don’t know me, (I’ll be pretty vague about most things on here like identity and jobs) I work in an industry with long hours, some late nights, and very rarely do I have time off/few weekends.  So its already impossible to date, let alone get a guy to see me again with my unfortunate lifestyle.  Okay enough of that shiz, but figured it would be relevant to the rest of these posts.

So Mr A…quite the handsome man I must say. Seemed pretty well established, mature, on his own in a big ol’ city like San Francisco.  We had a good first date where I waxed the floor with his ass at bowling, so we decided on a second ‘date’ .  He seemed to be understanding on my schedule and wanted to see me one evening after work.  I left at 11pm and met him at a bar across the street.  He seemed slightly inebriated already, so this was going to be glorious.  It was like…a Tuesday…and his idea to see me ‘this late’. So I go in and he tries to order food, I stated it was late and I’ve already eaten/don’t usually eat that late.  He then says I must be anorexic.  yes. obviously.  (i’m 130 and 5’7..pretty far from it) He gets me a glass of wine, after three failed attempts at getting me to order cheese fries.  Wine comes, instead of letting be grab it, he hands it to me and spills 1/4th of it on my jeans.  yayyy a 40 minute train ride home smelling of chardonnay.

A gentleman walked by, I’m not sure if he knew him…but they said hi to each other.  The guy, who came off as a little gay in my opinion, said to Mr A “lucky man you are to have her by your side!’ as he walked toward the exit of the bar.  Mr A got up and sort of aggressively started to follow him and said ‘yeah I know you don’t have to open your mouth’ -_- whattttt. second ‘date’ my dude relax?  okay so. you’re probably wondering why his is titled ‘Jessica’  Because he turned around and said ‘sorry about that Jessica, I don’t know him’ uhm. that’s not my name for those of you that don’t know.  Okay so brushed it off, I know he’s been drinking and well we sort of just met I guess? but come on.  So, first glasses of drinks are done and I’m ready to go.  I don’t drink often and I still have to get home, its almost 12am. yea I’m an old cranky bitch what can I say. I tell him I’m leaving as he pleads for me to stay longer.  No.  ‘Oh come on Jessica” okay this time I correct him…he goes to the bathroom and we then exit the bar and I walk for the train station.  He tells me there’s flash flood warning for the east bay, out where I live and  should stay the night with him TO BE SAFE.  again…Jessica.  No, as I’ve told him after the first date, I’m not a hook up/one night stand kind of girl.  And he said he respected that, but obviously not. woah, big surprise huh? alright so, we kiss, ew blah blah, I head to the train.  We then have very minimal contact over the next few days, until he just ghosts me. Didn’t put out, so I don’t deserve any explanation, right? #datinginthe21stcentury means ghosting 90% of the time because were all still just children

this is going to be short excerpts about the attempt of dating in this day and age. Now, I’m not a writer, so bare with me. I know I’m not the only one out there that has the struggle of going through date after date with no interest in another date with the same person. I have come across some very funny dates, and also some VERY bad ones. This is just for your entertainment to laugh at my struggle with me. My friends have told me ‘hey you should write a blog about this’ after I tell them some stories and they all laugh at the situations I’m put through. So hey, lets do it.

Sometimes I wish I was born in a different time period, I’ve been told by many that I’m also not meant for this time period. My morals and respect for others, especially with ‘dating’ is that of a 50’s woman. But hey, here we are. Current location is : the bay area of California. Some stories will be from other states, as I’m a bit of a gypsy. Here we go.